A Life in Filter.....

So I came back downstairs tonight, straight out of bed.  Almost midnight and tears coming down.  Even to the point of asking myself what struck me so much about this news.  After all we hear of famous stars committing suicide so many times, what is the difference with this.  Could it be that on the outside Robin Williams seemed so to the contrary.  Joyful and such a beautiful soul. Helping others, lover of the church.  Or could it be the news on top of a dear friend who I have seen recently struggling against a pain that is far beyond any our comprehension.  Or the person down the street who I spoke with who is so hard on themselves they won't even go to the park to be seen, even though she just had a child and already thinks society is judging her not perfect size 2 body.

Stories like this flood my ears and I'm open to them.  I'm that person by the Grace of God who opens my arms like a caring Mother and wants to suck out every ounce of a persons pain and wear it.  Just so they don't have to.  It was the way I was made.  To relate and mostly to empathize.  Especially now when I don't have to say I'll pray for you only, I can say lets work through this together I understand.

One year ago, my life and my families lives were turned upside down in a flash when this dreaded pain struck me.  Its a day I will never forget.  A new Mom of a 4 month old and a 2 year old running around I was trying to keep it all together far away by ourselves.  I was standing at the kitchen sink, getting dinner when it hit.  A flood of adrenaline went through my body, heart pains, out of body experience that this was surely it I was dying. Although a post partum thyroid issue made me aware, now even though my thyroid is healed....the anxiety has lingered.

6 ER visits last year with attack after attack, denial that anxiety could feel this real--- I finally was convinced. Guess what where there was one in that ER that day, there were 15 more dealing with the same thing.  No matter the cause health, situational, grief something was not healing.  It was time to get real.  I hid it a lot behind my health I think at times.  I hid a lot behind cute Facebook pics of my kids and what I was living 9 hours away.  Truth is I was lonely, scared to death and I will never forget my few neighbors and friends whom I did let in on my secret. They never gave up on me and they shared their love with me.

It took me 1 solid year because of mere shame and feelings of weakness that I finally sought help to see me through.  I feel I'm finally better....mostly because ironically that year was the closest I ever became to God.  Yes that is right imagine praising God, when the pain and suffering is so great you have every excuse to deny him.  I wouldn't, I haven't and he has sucked me out of the depth of fear and anxiety. 

I still have days where I focus on my worries, where I allow myself to get overwhelmed with triggers.  Lack of sleep, too much caffeine, taking on too much.  Yet now I know I don't have to hide behind it anymore.  The Lord is so strong in my weakness and I"m no longer ashamed.  Although my battle lies more in anxiety, the darkness of depression is real and the devil loves to capitalize in the depths of all of us regardless our battles.

What would the world be like if we all could get real.  If all of us said the truth and never hid behind closed doors of deception.  I've been blessed with many many things, trust me I thank God for them everyday.  Yet I also know none of those things made me immune from the battle of everyday struggles within.   Please be a person that makes everyone feel important.  Take the time to really ask how a person is doing and LISTEN.  Be a person that instead of judging and throwing stones, give Grace.  Pray instead of peg someone with guilt and shame.  Most people are fighting a battle you know nothing about.  Our covers especially with instagram filters can look beautiful, don't be fooled. Remember God is strongest in our weakness.  Allow him to work through the mud and mire.

No one said it was easy.....

Man this is tough..... I let out a sigh and dropped the box.  Hair in a bun, dust all over my face.....I wondered why I ever thought moving was a good idea.  Or even more so marriage.  I'm the best at physical multitasking, the worst at mental.  So when I have today's events and the next weeks there aren't enough slots to fill upstairs.  Any Moms hear me? 

So of course when I am overwhelmed I look up and I do that initial human instinct: blame!  Who better then of course our spouse.  This particular week he's traveling.  How dare he a week before we move 7 hours away, leave me to take care of the last minute packing, take care of the kids, deal with the emotions ALONE!  Then I convince myself how right I am by, unpacking the one box that needs to stay taped.  The past.  I throw out every last bit of resent I've held onto and throw it on the floor.  I'm leaving this for him to deal with.

How quick I forget all the amazing things he does for me. God never lets you forget. I'm reminded when on a last minute run to Target I hear a young lady yell from the Pizza Counter: Cash!  Oddly I wonder who knows my son, and she tells me  at "her second job" she takes care of him at the day care. You know on the days I can't deal.  There I'm reminded how blessed I am to have a husband who travels to allow me the comfort of being home with my kids and time to process all I have to do. This young Mom may have 10 minutes b/n jobs to love on hers. A single Mom at that.

Its those small moments I know God is whispering, look up, look around.  Look at all you have been blessed with.  I sat up a perfect meeting for you with your spouse.  I interceded life to allow this to happen.  I moved you away so you could build a strong foundation just the two of you.  I've given you trials to mature and grow your love for me.  I've blessed you with miracles so you could experience your own family together. 

I almost saw Gods tears coming down.  Like the hand that keeps smacking him away. This is more about me.  I so want to be the Proverbs Wife.  The one who takes suffering in stride, who sacrifices, who leaves control, submissive.....the Moms children call blessed.  Then the fear of sacrificing, submission, and meekness trump all those desires.  Then the devil helps me unpack that box of resent, and tells me how justified I am.  As God sits and weeps, looking around at all the blessings missed.

Today I opened up my favorite website right now: God Vine.  The first video was on marriage.  Not just any marriage with its usual trials as we go through BUT real trials.  There I see the Proverbs Wife, the one children call blessed.  It clarifies every bit of wisdom I know about purpose, about Gods Design, about shining for him on this earth.  If you get a second watch this.  It brings the everyday hassles, struggles into perspective.  No one said it was easy.....but God did say he'd make a way through it.  With more blessing then you could ever imagine.

http://www.godvine.com/This-Godly-Couple-Can-Teach-Us-All-About-TRUE-Love-What-He-Says-At-8-16-Whoa

Gretchen Scott Designs

So I am completely in love with this designer. I'm so into tunics and brights for summer. I love Lilly but this is fantastic. Check out Gretchen Scott Designs for summer:)http://www.gretchenscottdesigns.com/

Facebook Post of the Week

 

Oh my dear friend Jamie Sams-Chesson, Way to be a voice for my conviction movement without even knowing..... way to go Roomie!!!

 

 

 

Keep a realistic outlook on social media people. Don't we all know by now nothing is "perfect". Don't be one who breeds jealousy, envy, competition, confrontation and hate. Instead use social media to feel happiness for others, compassion, for inspiration, support and ideas, and most of all keeping a connection w friends and loved ones who may be miles away!!! If u feel annoyed by other people joys or views there's a great feature called block or delete! Keep those beautiful pics of your kids coming or the selfies that make u feel beautiful or the adventures and experiences u are so lucky to enjoy! I love sharing That w my friends and family! That's just my thought for the day! Hahahhaha

Sundy Best - "My Old Kentucky Home" on Senior Day in Rupp Arena

Oh the sun shines bright on my ole' Kentucky home.......Bring It Cards Sweet 16!!!!!  Met Sundy Best Friday night here in Bham, not sure our weekend could have gotten much better......

Join the Movements #conviction

We are all convicted each and everyday.  Join with me.  When you feel convicted. Immediately pray about it and change.  Conviction is there for us to learn.  A gift from our loving God. Join the movement.  Today lets be someone who Cares! # conviction.........

Momaste.....

Creative Geniuses Wanted

So it's time for me to become serious about the blogging industry along side my writing.  I've tampered with it for gosh now 6 years, but with much convincing I'm ready to invest.  You all are familiar with my writing and know most revolves around the challenges us women and Moms struggle with and mostly inspiring faith filled messages. 

I need a catchy name.  I've decided to hire Blog Maven for design and coaching, due to rave references.  Yet I don't want someone who doesn't know me intimately to create a lasting blog name that I want to define everything I am seeking.

So who better to ask then you.  My readers. My friends.  Any great ideas for a catchy title would be fantastic.  You can comment on my blog or write me and email/Facebook Message....mandyzimmer@yahoo.com    

I really need your help and would love your input.  Bama Bound Zimmers and Sweet Tea Darling (which just reached 10,000) has told my story through a journey of 6 years.  As a new wife, a new Mom, a new Alabamian.   With the move home in the works, and a new beginning coming it's time for me to really invest in my passion.  To push forward.

Thanks ahead of time, can't wait to read your suggestions.

xoxo
MZ

Where my Introverts at?

I ran across this picture on a friends Instagram today that shocked me.  She was an Introvert? Reading her social media, seeing all her awesome amazing pictures of her social life, and not to mention what an amazing gorgeous friend she is.  Just took me back a bit. This was sent to her and as she said fit her to a tee.  I was beyond floored.  Makes you think truly this quote is one of the best I've found on judgement that introverts often find laid on themselves.

 

 

I thought to myself Hallelujah, someone else that I could relate to.  I was having another conversation about this with another friend some time back.  We talked about our kids personalities and what that would mean.  She opened up about her introversion and how sometimes that makes her feel a tad left out and a tad insecure.  Yet she knew herself and I respected that.  One on one porch talk fantastic, a large crowd of loud new people exhausted her before she even got her shoes on. Boy could I relate.

 

 

To introverts they gain energy from introspection and reflection.  A great hour long deep talk with a friend can fuel or creative energy for days.  On the other hand walking in a big room of strangers, nearly depletes them before they walk through the door. They call it now "social anxiety". Lets just call it what it is and let people not feel so strange for it.  We were designed this way.  Trust me the world needs lots of Introverts. Extroverts plan one heck of a party, but on the flip side lets be honest. God loved his dinner table of wine and bread and gathering.  He also liked those quiet connections where one helps another.  Hence why God made Introverts and Extroverts. I say instead of labeling, lets just feel blessed he did.

 

 

Most who know me and my past knows I'm complex.  I'm a highly creative spirit.  I'm very open and loving.  Very much open about my life. I'm beyond creative and the least not shy.  I love meeting new people and my close friends are my life line.  I love laughing and sharing with them and spending fun nights out with them. Not every night oh Lord no.  Yet it wasn't until I was put out of that comfort zone I truly realized how introverted I really was. 

 

 Moving somewhere new it was really hard for me to find those relationships.  I felt exhausted at 30 years old to rebuild a life socially. So at that moment I did what this once closet Introvert never thought she would do.  I embraced it, I got on my knees and said these words.  God please send me my "God Friends." That to me was just people who could speak quietly the truth to me, and embrace me for what I then knew would be the hardest 5 years of my life I couldn't run or party through.  Boy did he ever answer my friend.  Where once there was more than many, he sent me a few.  Yet those few have taught me all I ever needed about myself, about my faith and about where I wanted to get to.

 

 

So today instead of labeling yourself with social anxiety, shy, outgoing or life of the party.  Lets just find out who we truly are.  I do think the label Introvert and Extrovert are important in more ways then one.  They tell us a lot about our hidden desires, happiness and why we struggle. In order to be the best and to fulfill Gods plan for us I think each chisel comes with self awareness.  I'll get you started. Take this quiz and go from there. 

 

http://psychologytoday.tests.psychtests.com/take_test.php?idRegTest=1311

 

 

 My little Extrovert, Presley ( never would know it) seems shy and observant, yet loves to be surrounded. Just like her Daddy. My little Man my Introvert, who is full of fire, is exhausted, whiny and irritable by the time I get him to the car.  People who know him say not Cash.  I say yes Cash.  He wants nothing more to be in company of those he feels close to in small groups, talking, snuggling and there I find the Cash I truly enjoy.  Maybe we should all look to our kids who seem irritable and take this into account. Or on the opposite bored who needs to be surrounded.  Praise them for who they are and stop making them who they AIN'T....AS THEY PROUDLY SAY IS CORRECT here in the south:)

 

 

 

Lots of loves my lil' Intro and Extros out there you all are beautiful

 

xoxo  MZ

 



I Have the Right......

• I have the right to ask for what I want.
• I have the right to say no to requests or demands I can't meet.
• I have the right to change my mind.
• I have the right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect.
• I have the right to follow my own values and standards.
• I have the right to express all of my feelings, both positive or negative.
• I have the right to say no to anything when I feel I am not ready, it is unsafe, or it violates my values.
• I have the right to determine my own priorities.
• I have the right not to be responsible for others' behavior, actions, feelings or problems.
• I have the right to expect honesty from others.
• I have the right to be angry.
• I have the right to be uniquely myself.
• I have the right to feel scared and say "I'm afraid."
• I have the right to say "I don't know."
• I have the right not to give excuses or reasons for my behavior.
• I have the right to make decisions based on my feelings.
• I have the right to my own needs for personal space and time.
• I have the right to be playful and frivolous.
• I have the right to be healthy.
• I have the right to be in a non-abusive environment.
• I have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people.
• I have the right to change and grow.
• I have the right to have my needs and wants respected by others.
• I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect.
• I have the right to be happy.

Sundy Best...Zydeco

This Friday is all about Sundy Best, our fav KY band and KY basketball. Doesn't get much better then that. Sundy Best is in Birmingham!!!!

Join my World.....

One of my favorite things in the world is to learn about others. How they think, feel...what advice they can share.

In fact one of my favorite quotes

 So I thought it would be a fun experiment to learn a little about myself and share with you over the next week.....

1. If you woke up tomorrow with no fear, what would you do first?

Surround myself with pleasure. Honestly who doesn't long for the riches, food, drink and fun this world has to offer. Life is short after all. Yet as a child of God my fear keeps me grounded and eternity focused/disciplined. I'm grateful for my greatest fear which is not pleasing my desires in this short time, but pleasing my God for his faithfulness to me.

2. What was your biggest worry five years ago, do you still feel the same about it at this minute?

Being able to have a baby. I was battling female cancer amongst severe endometriosis and infertility. 7 surgeries later, cancer free and two babies I've learned a lot. Gods plan is perfect in his way, his time and never short of miraculous. 

3. What advice would you give the ‘5 year old you’?

Enjoy today. Not plan for tomorrow, just today. Life is so in your favor then. Your mind innocent, body resilient. Cares simple. Soak it up.

4. Can you picture the child you once were, what were they really good at?

Great at anything creative. Loved creating. Whether it be a dance for a talent show, a new cheer for try outs, an outfit to model, a scene for my barbies and pretend students in my make believe classroom. My imagination and creativity define me.

5. Who did you last gossip about, how do you feel about it now?

I won't say names but I think all women struggle with this. I feel terribly yucky of course. A great line in the kids show Mr. Peabody and Sherman. We tend to talk about those who we long to have something we possess. Humbly I agree with that.

6. What promises have you never carried through for yourself?

I won't seek approval. Church yesterday was all about joy. Approval seeking is such a joy killer. I realize sadly I will never be enough to the world, yet everything to my God. Yet I struggle with needing to feel accepted from those who really can't fill me like my relationship with my Lord.

7. If you could change one law of your country, what would it be?

No prayer in school. When Children are raised without his word, his promise they lose that safe place. Instead of having to pay for private school for my kids to receive this, I want it for all of our kids and teachers in every school.

8. Have you ever expected ‘love in return’?  Did you get it?

I've always gotten love in return in the ways that were capable to give. Maybe longed for more or in different ways, never not received.

9. Do you play to work, or work to play?

I work to play. I'm the epitome of a Perfectionist. Always sacrificing fun thinking there is always something more responsible to be doing. 

10. When did you last laugh so much, it hurt?

This morning actually. Each morning I listen to Rick and Bubba.  For the southerners you know who this is.  They have a radio talk show each morning out of Birmingham.  Truly some of the funniest men I've ever heard. They always lift my day.

11. What’s the most marvelous thing you have ever seen with your own eyes?

I fondly remembering m husband driving me through the Rocky Mountains in Colorado the first time from the Denver airport to Beavercreek. I broke down in tears and prayed my Mom, who never would fly in her life, could vision this sight in her dreams. Truly breathtaking.

12. When did you last say thank you and sincerely mean it?

A lot this year I learned about the word gratitude. I learned about selflessness, friendship and Gods provision. My babysitters Carlin, Keri and Angelica. To my neighbors Derenda, Kim, and Michele. My friend Nicki who carried me through a solid 2 years of transformation in health physically and mentally. They will forever be my angels.

13. What’s your number one priority?

My faith. It's all I think about truly. This is new to me and so overwhelming at times. Yet without it I can't survive this world.

14. Who do you need to get in touch with because it’s been to long?

So many. Its a standard joke and curse my love now of social media. Its a sick and twisted thing.  Living 7 and 9 hours away from my homes, I feel like its my way of feeling connected when life happened.  Being off of it for lent I feel I really need to get in touch, but its balance.  Being in touch can take many forms for many people.  My husband always jokes. You talked to her? Did you pick up the phone and call, meet her for lunch or did you email, text or FB.  To him that isn't true connection. To myself with 2 kids under 3.  That is the blessing I need in those words on the screen. Fights the loneliness somewhat.

15. What relationships have ended? But you can’t let go? 

My relationship with the what if.  I'm a person that was trained and inherited the worry gene.  I must ask myself what if subconsciously I catch myself thousands of times a day.  When I was saved I thought that would go away.  It hasn't.  It's a struggle with faith, but each day I dig in the word and work on it.  That is all I can do.

What we give up, we gain!!!

Giving up Facebook is rather enlightening. Free in a sense. It seems we fear not knowing, when not knowing is a breath of fresh air. I actually get text and emails wondering how we are, kinda makes you feel loved even more. Seems sometimes what we dread giving up, seems to be just thing to do to gain everything in return. Maybe peace.

Yesterday I had my one month follow up since being diagnosed as Celiac. Yes one month without what I once called comfort, now I call toxic. Gluten. Boy was today proof of healing, the reward of discipline. My blood tests came back. In the first time in a solid year, no longer vitamin D deficient, no more anemia, no more thyroid antibodies. In one month already 7 pounds down.

I'm still healing but if this isn't testimony not sure what is. Praise God!!!  Continued prayers as I continue through the path of wellness. Since being diagnosed, I've been able to lead and help others to answers. I've accepted my portion given, as his glory. As a way to serve. It brings meaning in the middle of a storm, where in the past I felt a wanderer in the middle of a desert.

I found this awesome passage in the midst of my current bible study, Calm my Anxious Heart.

"I know of no greater simplifier in all of life. Whatever happens is assigned. A quiet heart is content with what God gives."

I think with each portion of our cup filled, we learn more and more these things.

1. We aren't in control
2. We are stronger then we think.
3. It's always ok. He is working.

More so we learn to have faith in God, we learn this journey that is laid out is good. So very good. In his time, in his ways. Our desires are always known..... Always appreciated..... Gratitude is always reciprocated.

I hope this finds my friends and family well. Our month of lent so far has been hopeful. I failed miserably with Web  MD and Google....but stellar with not logging in to Facebook. Chris is off soft drinks and grouchy but succeeding. Cash and Presley have failed miserably on no night wakings and time outs, lent may not be their thing:) Yet I say we all have made progress. Here is some gems of our days the past few weeks! Much Love Darlin's.....

Own your story....

The past few days have been amazing!  Not because I ran for the first time, OK maybe not the first but sure felt that way.  Not because my anxiety was gone, it still found me by the end of the day.  Not because my kids were good, well maybe they were at day care all day (may be on to something).  No because of You!

Yesterday and today has been eye opening.  One of those surreal days where I was receiving prayer request, when I was reading that people I love were turning to give God a chance, where I was receiving words of God opening doors and prayers answered.  People sharing their stories, their vulnerabilities.  Them being witnesses to a wonderful God.

Its those times where instead of beating myself up for letting the scary world into my truth, that it matters.  That people are freed to be themselves, that they are seeking the word ---the same experience.

I was driving home today from my second brutal training session when something came to me.  I want to be the kind of person that even the coldest hearts, the most guarded wants to somehow run and embrace.  They want to open that part of them and feel safe there.  I want to be change, not always seeking it idle. I want to know their stories.

Yesterday my son made it very clear to me I'm lacking in adult time.  He asked who I was talking to?  I had no idea I talk to myself.  Yes apparently it has come to that.  I said nobody buddy was I talking?  Yes Mom, were you talking to Jesus?  Truth be known I probably was.  I developed a habit last April to constantly speak to the Lord throughout my day.  Pray first.  I wonder if my talks to him sound as goofy as they do to my 3 year old.

I'm hoping yesterday I was practicing gratitude.  For my walk.  For You.  For your walk.  For you sharing it with me.  For the brokenness that surrounds ALL of us.  For the walls we will break down forever.  For the lives that will be changed through the truth tellers like us.  The seekers, the sinners. 

I pray I continue to get those amazing messages.  I hope we continue to work together for acceptance and change.  To hear blogs being written, people stepping out in faith for Gods calling, promotion and prayers for wise decisions made.  Own your story my brave friends.  This is what this whole thing called life is all about.  Not new homes, exotic vacations, luxury cars.  It all comes down to this.  Trust me we all at one point and time will get there.  Its a BLESSING!

MUCH LOVE! MZ

It's ok to be messy.....

The message i received this week from many was to block people so they couldn't see my life. Maybe I told too much truth or a little too much Christian which was uncomfortable....maybe showed weakness. Seemed my life was falling apart it seemed down here in Alabama by my vulnerability. Or my connection on my Facebook or blog was too much.

There I lost it. Tears streamed. Right Here I was doubting myself, my worth, my vision....for what a few had to say. Had to question. I immediately wanted to hide. Then in an instant I stopped. I remembered the truth the Lord has placed in me. No longer will anyone try to change me. I know what God has led me to do and it is to speak truth. Connect. 

I've learned so much about myself this year. I love through words typed on paper. Not words on the phone. Not even words in person. My vulnerability comes freely when I sit with a keyboard and silence. Somehow my dream works. I've reached more people, far more people with truth then false witness mostly behind screen. I may not be changing the world with big ideas, but if my compassion reaches a few. I believe God smiles.

In my study today I read sometimes those closest to us just can't understand where we are. The changes taking place. Our journey. I've learned it's not personal, it's just fact. I also know God puts people in your lives who do. The perfect people for the moment. We mustn't take offense to others questions and concerns. Yet we mustn't be ashamed of where God is taking us either.

I'm a Momastery junkie and today this rang out to me:

HELLO, EVERYBODY! I’M GLENNON! IM A LITTLE CONFUSED AND TIRED AND IMPATIENT AND MY PEOPLE DRIVE ME INSANE AND I HAVE ALL THESE VARIOUS DISEASES AND MY FAMILY’S A LITTLE BANGED UP- BUT I’M PRETTY SURE THAT’S JUST LIFE – SO I’M HERE TO HELP ANYWAY.” - Glennon

Oh I could have typed it myself. Yes I'm a Mom of 2 under 3. My life is nuts. I'm strung out half the time, in love the other half. I live 7-9hours from my family, all my family. I've been sick, truly sick keeping it all together with the help of some angels along the way. My husband works a lot and when he's home he helps me. Helps me survive it all. I worry all the time if we are ok, if he is ok but God always reassures me we are. He was sent to me. He is growing too and messy the same. A great work of God.

Am I ashamed? no! Am I scared? everyday. Am I ok....beyond. As are each of you. I'm more at peace now with my Heavenly Father and for that all of it is worth it. He wants messy, he wants you to know it is....so you and I together can witness his clean up work. In which I will continue to share and I hope I inspire you to as well. I've learned that is my purpose and I can't block that. He is asking me not too, the one person who's opinion I value the most. 

http://momastery.com/blog/2014/02/18/sacred-scared/

Sundy Best - "Home" Official Music Video

A little Kentucky Favorite, sounded good on this Sunday!

Everything Changes.....

Moving away you learn a lot. You have no other choice. You can't continue with the comfortable, everything changes. Relationships, logistics, the way you talk and dress. Actually is quite cool in fact. It's a way of reinventing yourself, if you go there.

Th hardest part about moving, change in general, is letting go. Letting go of the past, moving on to the new. Don't we all battle this, no matter the miles. Change is inevitable for growth, we just choose to stay idle. I'm ashamed to say I stayed idle for almost 4 years before finally the day came I slowly loosened the grip. I started excepting instead of resisting. I started reaching out instead of pulling away. I embraced growth, instead of planting my feet into the quick sand not budging.

An amazing thing happened. Life didn't become any easier, it started to make sense. I learned a lot about what I wanted, about how different I had become. How different my interests were, my needs and my wants. The most painful how much my relationships have shifted.

The last has been my hardest battle, my relationships. I've realized the truth of loving the same, just maybe some are for seasons and not lifetimes. That it is OK to grow apart, to understand when you walk one path some wont follow. Sometimes the ones you stand and wait to show up never arrive.

The thing I've learned most is everyone you meet is for a reason. Mostly to teach you something. Some you meet, just show up. They are there when you need them most, mostly they are who you need. Gods specialty is relationship. You can tell a lot about where you are in your walk by the people whom surround you.

So now as I've gotten to that place of soon to be another transition I ask nothing more then God to direct our path. To put us in places where we continue to grow and not look back. We have got to keep on moving forward. It's only in moving forward that we ever accomplish what God has called us to do. Yes, it can be hard – but it's the only way if we want to move on in God and grow.

Isaiah 43:18-19

¹⁸ “Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
¹⁹ See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.

The Window.....

There he was his little tear soaked face pressed against the hard glass.  Fists hitting as hard as they could as the door closed and I just stood there and knew I had to walk away.  My son has been having massive separation anxiety since the snow/ice storm of 2014 last week.  At least that is what I tell myself to make sense.  They told me to leave or he would never get back to normal, but the pain I felt with that simple separation was far from making sense.

Since then I got home and I put my other little one to her bed.  I came downstairs and I sat in our recliner.  We have glass french doors to our back yard that has always brought me somewhat of peace since moving here.  That window could tell a lot of stories.  But today as I looked out it, I wondered how many other thousand Moms, Husbands, teenagers, Grandparents were doing the same thing I was in that moment.  Looking out a window, tears coming down, searching for answers and a way to understand our fear. 

I remember as a young child a few vivid memories about fear.  Leaving my Mom for the first day to meet the big kids at the bus stop.  I was the youngest and though I had my cousins in tow, I still remember how scared I was to go out into the big bad world.  Who were all these strangers, would they like me, would I fit in?  The next was college.  The day my parents and sister drove away leaving me in another state 4 hours away alone.  The last was pulling into Birmingham AL, thinking OK what now.  No job to make friends, a corporate apartment with white walls and a car to try and find my way around.

Each one of these and many more I did what we all do, unless you were smart enough to have gotten it before now.  I put on that cape, that happy face and I trudged through.  I smiled, put my head up just like they taught me.  I was brave, I made friends, I succeeded---I SURVIVED.

Today at 34 I sit in a recliner and I think do we ever really grow out of that.  In fact, if we all told the truth and showed up to the intervention all of us are scared out of our minds if they still remain in tact post 30.  It's a hard world.  Constantly trying to put on our masks to hide the inevitable fear we all have. The great news is on the other side of that window, lies this.  Truth, Grace, Understanding, Compassion. He is staring into you, into that preschool room, into your work, into your home right now.  He knows how it feels to be rejected, to be scared, to be relevant, to feel secure.  That's why he always provides when you are needing it the most.

So today though my child was scared, I received a picture post 2 hours later and he was smiling. 

Although a mask it could have been, I like to think God provided today.  That someone gave him comfort, something to smile about.  Today I hope you feel that way too.  I hope God always provides when you need it most.  Through truth tellers, who give you Grace through their words and embrace.

Thank You, Lord, for the promise that You will
meet our needs. Help us not to fear or doubt.
We’re grateful that You’re watching over us
and that our cries for help reach Your ear.

Our needs will never exhaust God’s supply.


(Thank you to my beautiful friend Susie for allowing me to share a beautiful pic and depicts the soul she bestows! Love you sister, friend)

Meet and Greet

 

I'm Doing Great, How bout y'all?

 

So I'm starting small group tonight.  So rightly called Lies Women tell themselves.   Meet and greet night.  Where we walk in act like perfect Christians, make our first impressions fantastic and Lie to others and ourselves as we so politely say I'm great, how about you?  By the end of the 6 week journey we ditch the cute heels and boots...straggle barely in with a side pony and flip flops and say this day was hell, pure hell.  How bout y'all?

I'm assuming as in all small group first nights we give our bios.  I'm bout to bust loose with mine.  I figure why not be authentic.  Hit them with the hard stuff, you know the truth.  Maybe we can get things going a little faster the right direction.  So here is goes, in all my beautiful glory.

Hi My name is Amanda or Mandy depending on the day.  I am an exhausted, blessed, freak out Mom of two tiny tots not even 2 years apart.  I washed my hair today, some I don't.  I'll try my best to do so before seeing you again.  I'm a stay at home Mom in reality, in pretend I'm a fantastic accomplished writer that believes I"m transforming people's lives each day.  Kinda a Beth Moore kind of day dream.  Really I write a blog with maybe 50 followers, but I have a Vision and my eye is on the prize.

 I'm really not sure what I "like" to do anymore, but I always write down exercise, read, meet up with friends, decorate and spend time with my kids.  It just sounds politically correct.  In all truth I hate, no loathe exercise.  Like seriously my apps gym pact, blog to 5k, and Fitness Pal blink loser, loser, loser.  Still can't figure out darn technology or downward facing dog.  I have so many cute Yoga clothes you can borrow though.

I live away from home. Yes I'm not from here, no I'm a Yankee am I still allowed to be here?  Technically this year I'm neutral 17 years Yankee, 17 below the Mason Dixon Line. YES damn it I'm 34...I know pressing middle age.  So really am I allowed back next week?

I'm a cancer survivor and fight a vicious battle with Autoimmune disease some japenese sounding "hashi" word I refuse to accept.  Cause' to me it's all in the Gluten. Gluten Free solves everything in my mind. I'm a pretty little celiac (self diagnosed), and refuse do you hear me refuse to give up a chicken biscuit....so there you have it I have trouble facing reality. Could we stop and pray right now.

If you aren't scared away yet, I want you to know up front I'm brutally imperfect.  Before kids you would have assumed otherwise, b/c I wanted you to. Mopped floors in heels, beautiful size 2 and I would die trying literally.  Now I see it that if I lower my expectations, you may be pleasantly surprised.  My Mom and I recently had a fight I had crumbs under my couch on her last and short visit, then and there I have no idea where I get the idea of perfectionism. Mind you I still call my Mom 3 times a day.  Ephesians 6: 1-3 living it everyday!

No I love God, I love life, and I'm passionate about EVERYTHING!  I love you and I don't even know you yet, but I do!  I love meeting people and knowing their stories.  Not in a few months or years, like a few minutes. Just give it, I can handle it.

See I'm an open book, in which my husband cringes when my little fingers start typing---(hope he doesn't see this).  I kinda have a thing against ingenious people. If you aren't real, we just shouldn't be friends.  Don't bother raising your hands, I have already probably figured out who you are.  Is that judgemental....again brutally imperfect.

So I'm glad to meet you.  If you need me don't try to call I"m a phone phobic.  I respond to text, emails and am a social media addict.  Feel free to contact me there.  I think my voice box is full and after 6 months I have no intention of clearing it. 

Thanks be with You!

So I look back this week of Thanksgiving to one year ago today.  Who would have thought this would have been a day of a one year journey that none of us expected.  I wish I could say that we have put it all behind us, yet sometimes I fear maybe they call it a journey because life is a never ending story that has no end. 

It's been a very tough year.  Not sure I could name all that has happened to our family.  I have learned to not always live like the other shoe will drop, but find understanding when it does.  Sometimes life is just like that, you just really do have to roll with the punches.  Even when your bruised, bloody and broken the song rolls on. Keep dancing.

I experienced things I never expected this year.  Wonderful moments of beautiful compassion I never expected, and very dark moments of truth revealed.  I learned that sometimes that truth sometimes can be very hurtful about others, expectations sometimes need to be lowered and more so the scary truth about ourselves.

I'm not one that believes in horoscopes, but I found desperation where I admit the yearly horoscopes have maybe come a little too close for comfort.  Just so happens mine states it will be a couple years, yes one more, of cleansing and transformation.  Getting to the core of issues and coming out better.  They say 2015 is going to be my year for health and unbelievable health for that matter.  I say at this point God would understand, I may put at least 10% hope in it this time:)

Having two kids in diapers knocked me off my rocker and kicked me down the street.  I never saw it coming.  I am sticking to God knew me and unless I got sick I never would have learned the lesson of asking for help.  So I'm so thankful for that.  There are beautiful days where I can't take enough pics, I relish in the smiles, hugs and laughter.  For the most part I always find those moments. After all aren't they what keep us going.  Then there are still the moments I sit in my assigned Mommy Freak out Spot on our stairs. Look at the little demons and cry, cry and cry some more.  All you Moms know exactly what I'm saying.  In denial that there is 2 more, 2 more hours until my sanity comes walking through that door.

I used to think my husband and I always had great communication.  We stepped it up to the next level.  Some days I'm not sure if I am happy we communicate or not.  We over communicate, or at least I do.  Yet at the end, I cry and say maybe we aren't cut out for this as he hugs me and says that was the most awesome talk we have ever had I feel so much better.  Again Women are from Mars, Men are from Venus.  Emotional vs. Rational....enter Mandy and Chris Zimmer.  Growth is an awesome thing.

6 years ago I sat and laughed when people would tell me two things.  Give it 5 years you will get adjusted and your family will be the people that surround you here.  Guess what 5 years in they were so right.  In fact I'm going to stretch and say the people here may in fact know my life and myself more then those even I've been around a majority of my life.  I say this because no one has been around me as a wife and Mom.  I realize marital bliss and motherhood really bring out the best in you....yes enter best could go both ways.  They know what I need and they know what really I live and they give me an unconditional love I'm not sure I've ever had until now.

Mostly this year I've learned I'm not inevitable, I'm not perfect and I'm certainly not the super woman I secretly thought I was.  Hell I wear flats more then I ever wear heels which good Lord who would have ever thought that.  Yet in a weird way I'm so much more comfortable in my skin and so much less at times.  I have days I wake up and conquer the world. Yes I decorated my whole house for Christmas 2 days after this last surgery.  Or I wake up praying someone can help me. 

For the first time in my life I won't get mad if someone says they understand even if they don't.  Living with autoimmune diseases is a daily struggle.  Over the past year I've begged God, I've yelled at God and I've bargained.  One minute I'm being baptized and the next wanting to push him away for not giving ME what I deserve for being faithful.  You see that's the thing this has tried to teach me to love unconditionally to trust his way is best, to know no matter he is doing a work in me that won't be completed until the end.   I'm learning and I'll spend the rest of my life doing my best.

I have a song by Laura Story that I absolutely adore it's called Blessings.  I listen to it a lot.  What if your healing comes through tears. I've cried a lot this year.  I've been told I'm losing it, I need to be stronger, I'm not handling motherhood like I was expected from those who have always had extreme expectations for me.....yet I know now that is nothing from God.  I know Blessings come through rain drops and healing does come through tears.  I know this is what it has taken to know regardless he is here.  Not one minute does God ever see me weak, humbling is a beautiful thing.  Sharing our testimony is Gods work in us.

So today I'm thankful for the meltdowns, the healing, the cleansing and the real real reality of how life got here.  We all are "here".   No matter what the outside looks like, the inside is real.  Its where people really know what they are facing and a lot of times its a battle none of us could imagine.  So this year I'm thankful for one thing and one thing only.  Prayer.  Prayer saves, it relates, it shows compassion and it is the one thing that you and all have in reach for in our darkest moment.  Whether you believe, whether you don't......in your darkest hour we all have a longing built in us that this world can't satisfy.  I've learned to pray a lot for myself, for you and as the next year of this journey rolls around I'm thankful the most for the opportunity to share in your life, your struggles, your celebrations....and to pray for you!

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone from our Home to Yours!

The Zimmers.......