Reading and answering her questions was very enlightening about where I am and how I think two years in to this new experience for me. To see the truth of my feelings that I sometimes don't say enough of or that I try to hide. Also where I would like to be.
I thought I would share my responses to those questions on my blog, maybe some parents can relate. Or others can ask themselves and find clarity on their thoughts. Thank you Loren for allowing me to do this project and vent a bit. Great self reflection:)
1. What was the biggest life adjustment after
becoming a parent?
Finding Balance in all areas. When you become a parent you immediately lose
a large part of yourself. Some necessary, some unfortunate. You find yourself over consumed with your
child, and always putting yourself, your marriage, and your dreams on the side.
What happens is that you begin to realize how unhealthy it is, but you really
don’t have a solution. You have
something that you always want to protect and give your 100% to. Then there is
you, yelling for some time. Finding the balance to that has been extremely
hard, especially now with 2 young children under 3.
2. Are your parenting skills similar to that
of your parents?
I find myself realizing at times I am
placing what I have been brainwashed with respectively into my parenting
style. How my kids should act, how I
should raise them, etc… In some ways I deeply respected the ways my parents
raised me. Instilling faith first,
family time of importance, even things such as a sit down family meal every
night are expectations I carry from how I was raised. The one thing I differ from is I allow my
child his/her own freedom to be unique.
I always find myself even on the toughest days telling myself not to stifle
who he/she will want to be. I want them to have their own special place and I
never want to feel that I’m passing to them that they are not enough or that I
want to control who they are to become. I want them to be able to just be
kids. To have time to think. The most important difference is I always
want to validate their feelings. I never
want to tell them how to feel or it is wrong to express any thoughts or
emotions. No matter we always can thank our parents for showing us what we want
to do and what we don’t when it comes to parenting.
3.
How did
you decide your parenting methods, such as discipline?
You
think becoming a parent it will be simple such as discipline. What you fail to realize is every child is
different and you must work hard to find a way to relate in a way that works
for all involved-it doesn’t happen overnight.
This has been a huge challenge for me.
What works for most may not work for your own. You have to find and be consistent with
whatever you want to instill in your children.
Time is key. Also I am a huge
parent of routine. Being a stay at home
Mom we are very scheduled. I knew I
wanted that security and structure for my kids well-being. We are also very affectionate parents. Where there is discipline we always relay love.
4. What made you decide to have a child?
I
have always wanted to be a stay at home Mom. Having a stay at home Mom myself I
realized this was something I wanted to be. I have always taught kids, babysat,
etc…They say you are born with it, I was.
The one thing I’m glad I did was know and accept only when I was fully
ready. I waited to get married until
later and was able to do a lot of things personally I wanted to do before my
life settled down. I knew after 3 years
of marriage it was time and God showed me it was—I am proof positive it was his
perfect timing. I think every woman has a maternal instinct it’s whether they
want to embrace it or not. Some dive in head first, some has no desire. Either way it is only fair to yourself and
your future children to make sure you are with no uncertainty.
5. How has having a child affected your
marriage or relationship?
For
most they will tell you it really had a negative effect for them. Not enough time, struggling to co-parent and
feel appreciated, etc.. For us it has had the exact opposite effect. The one thing my husband and I share the most
today is the love for our kids and our appreciation for our family. The things we do as the four of us are the
greatest times of our lives. Our
greatest agreements have come in parenting styles and we have amazing
communication about our children. We have been a team since day one and I
appreciate my husband and affirm him always about the Father he has
become. I think you must realize up
front when you decide to have kids your marital relationship will change. Not for the worse just a different type of
love and basis will become. A much more
respected and deep relationship. There
is no time for selfish struggles, it’s amazing what can become when you do
watch each other grow as a Mother and Father and affirm it to each other. It’s
amazing.
6. What were your
biggest concerns about becoming a parent?
Raising them to find the Lord. I think what I realized through the whole
child bearing experience was what a miracle and blessing each child is from
conception. Nothing other than the Lord could even describe the perfection one
could create. I always dreamed of
raising my children to be upstanding citizens and loving God. Being different in the fact they could be
unique and successful all while praising God and inspiring others in such a
different society. My fear is how I do
that. When do I start? How do I begin?
If I do too much too early will they burn out?
Should I let them find them through their experiences? I want them to always be appreciative of the
one who gives them everything. I know I
am their teacher designated to do this, a lofty expectation to fill.
7. How did having a
child change the way you handle your finances?
You are much more conscience. I never have a day I don’t look at our debt,
our savings, our bills etc… I find myself thinking in terms of 10 years,
private school, and college. Even when they are 2. I rarely put me first
anymore and I find myself buying for them before I ever do for me. I realize the best way I can teach them about
being responsible is living it. I’m
their greatest example and I know that is a struggle for me. I have started researching ways to become
better and the best ways to lead this part of my life. It’s a great priority in
my life where it never had been before. You realize you want to provide for
your kids what you never had.
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