Man this is tough..... I let out a sigh and dropped the box. Hair in a bun, dust all over my face.....I wondered why I ever thought moving was a good idea. Or even more so marriage. I'm the best at physical multitasking, the worst at mental. So when I have today's events and the next weeks there aren't enough slots to fill upstairs. Any Moms hear me?
So of course when I am overwhelmed I look up and I do that initial human instinct: blame! Who better then of course our spouse. This particular week he's traveling. How dare he a week before we move 7 hours away, leave me to take care of the last minute packing, take care of the kids, deal with the emotions ALONE! Then I convince myself how right I am by, unpacking the one box that needs to stay taped. The past. I throw out every last bit of resent I've held onto and throw it on the floor. I'm leaving this for him to deal with.
How quick I forget all the amazing things he does for me. God never lets you forget. I'm reminded when on a last minute run to Target I hear a young lady yell from the Pizza Counter: Cash! Oddly I wonder who knows my son, and she tells me at "her second job" she takes care of him at the day care. You know on the days I can't deal. There I'm reminded how blessed I am to have a husband who travels to allow me the comfort of being home with my kids and time to process all I have to do. This young Mom may have 10 minutes b/n jobs to love on hers. A single Mom at that.
Its those small moments I know God is whispering, look up, look around. Look at all you have been blessed with. I sat up a perfect meeting for you with your spouse. I interceded life to allow this to happen. I moved you away so you could build a strong foundation just the two of you. I've given you trials to mature and grow your love for me. I've blessed you with miracles so you could experience your own family together.
I almost saw Gods tears coming down. Like the hand that keeps smacking him away. This is more about me. I so want to be the Proverbs Wife. The one who takes suffering in stride, who sacrifices, who leaves control, submissive.....the Moms children call blessed. Then the fear of sacrificing, submission, and meekness trump all those desires. Then the devil helps me unpack that box of resent, and tells me how justified I am. As God sits and weeps, looking around at all the blessings missed.
Today I opened up my favorite website right now: God Vine. The first video was on marriage. Not just any marriage with its usual trials as we go through BUT real trials. There I see the Proverbs Wife, the one children call blessed. It clarifies every bit of wisdom I know about purpose, about Gods Design, about shining for him on this earth. If you get a second watch this. It brings the everyday hassles, struggles into perspective. No one said it was easy.....but God did say he'd make a way through it. With more blessing then you could ever imagine.