Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Cracks in our Foundation

Well it's been the week of the contractor! I've had painters, builders and demolition contractors surely my sons favorite!!! You see our beautiful back deck had a small crack in it...over time the wear and tear allowed the elements to creep in. Eventually it couldn't withstand the pressure and broke down! Hence the need for a rebuilding, ground up! The contractors are amazed a sturdy beautiful strong brick and cement  structure could break down so much, from outside appearance you would never know it wasn't built correctly. The outside looked far to beautiful for that!

I'm not in the least amazed! I know all about that. 9 months ago life eventually cracked a part of me! Years of health issues weighed far too heavy on my core! Little by little I allowed the access for the devil to creep in! For once in my life I doubted! My faith wasn't the same, I doubted that God had a good plan for me. With that brought tremendous fear of my future and anxiety took over my life daily! Since most of it was due to health issues that continued to surprise me I had most phobia around my health, the devil had a hold of my mind!

A friend told me not too long ago she was so confused. She saw daily what my life truly looked like yet she would get on Facebook and be so confused! My highlight reel was much further than the sad reality I was living! It made me realize that it wasn't my authentic place it had been my escape! Being far away I could hide my imperfections through happy pictures and cute sayings of my kids! When the reality of it was I needed to type in caps--- LIFE IS HARD, PRAY FOR ME NOW!

The devil likes our hypocrisy he likes the highlight reel! He wants nothing of honesty and connection! The truth is daily I fight the anxiety about my health! It has failed me so much, so young that I worry for my future! Having two kids has also added to that fear and each day I pray not selfishly but for me to transform my health for my kids! That God protects me for them! 

I'm happy to say honestly I'm able to talk through the anxious thoughts! They aren't eliminated and each time I see an ambulance I remember riding in it and leaving my car with two babies behind or every day I'm alone it seems to hit harder! Yet I'm learning God is there and he has placed beautiful angels around me that are walking me through it in different ways!

So today my highlight reel is this Life is Hard, Please pray for me! We all have cracks that the devil can creep in yet we also have a God who can rebuild! The ultimate contractor:)

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