Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Cracks in our Foundation
Well it's been the week of the contractor! I've had painters, builders and demolition contractors surely my sons favorite!!! You see our beautiful back deck had a small crack in it...over time the wear and tear allowed the elements to creep in. Eventually it couldn't withstand the pressure and broke down! Hence the need for a rebuilding, ground up! The contractors are amazed a sturdy beautiful strong brick and cement structure could break down so much, from outside appearance you would never know it wasn't built correctly. The outside looked far to beautiful for that!
I'm not in the least amazed! I know all about that. 9 months ago life eventually cracked a part of me! Years of health issues weighed far too heavy on my core! Little by little I allowed the access for the devil to creep in! For once in my life I doubted! My faith wasn't the same, I doubted that God had a good plan for me. With that brought tremendous fear of my future and anxiety took over my life daily! Since most of it was due to health issues that continued to surprise me I had most phobia around my health, the devil had a hold of my mind!
A friend told me not too long ago she was so confused. She saw daily what my life truly looked like yet she would get on Facebook and be so confused! My highlight reel was much further than the sad reality I was living! It made me realize that it wasn't my authentic place it had been my escape! Being far away I could hide my imperfections through happy pictures and cute sayings of my kids! When the reality of it was I needed to type in caps--- LIFE IS HARD, PRAY FOR ME NOW!
The devil likes our hypocrisy he likes the highlight reel! He wants nothing of honesty and connection! The truth is daily I fight the anxiety about my health! It has failed me so much, so young that I worry for my future! Having two kids has also added to that fear and each day I pray not selfishly but for me to transform my health for my kids! That God protects me for them!
I'm happy to say honestly I'm able to talk through the anxious thoughts! They aren't eliminated and each time I see an ambulance I remember riding in it and leaving my car with two babies behind or every day I'm alone it seems to hit harder! Yet I'm learning God is there and he has placed beautiful angels around me that are walking me through it in different ways!
So today my highlight reel is this Life is Hard, Please pray for me! We all have cracks that the devil can creep in yet we also have a God who can rebuild! The ultimate contractor:)
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Monday, July 1, 2013
Manic Mom Moments....
I picked up the phone. I had enough. It was Presley's first birthday....why was everything going wrong- AGAIN! All I wanted was to enjoy her first year doctors checkup. Brag about her milestone accomplishments, talk about what to look for and chat with my favorite nurses and Dr. Andy. Instead my morning looked far different. My daughter had broken out with huge red whelps all over her body. Instead of the cute bow on her head to match her birthday outfit I so had planned, I needed a mask to hide the scary. All I heard was may be chicken pox, take her in the back door.
Another call came can't watch Cash today have an important meeting. This one came often from my husband. Could he not just go and at least help me. Take 10 min out of his schedule to join me for his daughters check up....nope just couldn't do it. So I packed them up fast and furious and I dreaded the visit ahead. I began to pray this could go perfect, he could shock me with sitting still at 2 1/2. Cash could be a sweet quiet angel, instead of "Crash" that we all know. God will surely do this for me, I've been so faithful.
We go into the back to find Presley just had bug bites. One positive. Then all hell broke loose. Not sure anything standing still at Southlake Pediatrics. Nothing I did helped. With a naked baby on my hip and chasing another off the blinds, the roller stool, the cabinets, the nurses. An hour and a half later the lid blew off. I couldn't do this anymore. Life as a Mom was too hard, I surely was failing.
In the middle of the appointment the doctor stopped, looked at Cash and said are we still having energy problems, over energy. I don't think I needed to answer. Our vibrant and social baby boy decided it really should be his day after all. Who could ignore him. Mortified, ashamed and beyond broken I was that day on June 26th.
I no longer got to the car. I decided I had to call my husband. I had to finally set the line on how long I couldn't be here alone anymore. Although I have numerous sitters, neighbors who drop everything for us, it wasn't my family. My family was the answer, they could help me survive the 2's for sure. I did it the thing us married couples hate. Threatened, bullied and blamed. I was far from Eve in the Garden of Eden. I had fallen from Grace.
If I threw it on him it wasn't my fault that this child was beyond untameable. Or my life was. It wasn't until the next day, the next bad report at school at pickup did I finally get it. Who was I really upset about? Was it that I was really that concerned about Cash or was it what everyone thought of me? Was I scared of imperfection, uniqueness of the daunting character building God had given me. Was I afraid to fail at this too?
Since that day I've realized that maybe Cash is normal. That at 2 he is a boy and has some energy. That God forbid he likes people, he likes to be a little wide open and that he doesn't sit like a perfect angel no sir, yes mam. Cash I've learned, through Gods goodness, is extremely bright. Unfortunately I may have doubted that---he is beyond. He gets bored, he likes challenges and maybe he is a little fiery like his Mama. Maybe with a little boundaries, I can still allow Cash be Cash and that's perfectly ok.
I read this article on Huffington Post not too long ago, really sums up society's expectations of our tots. Then we wonder when did it go from learning to color in Kindergarten to reading a book....when did we start growing our kids up too fast. Putting too much pressure. Taking away their childhoods. Maybe we should all allow our kids to grow at their own pace. Without labels and milestones and realize each breath they take is a beautiful milestone all on its own.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/christine-grossloh/the-milestones-that-matter-most_b_3195567.html
Another call came can't watch Cash today have an important meeting. This one came often from my husband. Could he not just go and at least help me. Take 10 min out of his schedule to join me for his daughters check up....nope just couldn't do it. So I packed them up fast and furious and I dreaded the visit ahead. I began to pray this could go perfect, he could shock me with sitting still at 2 1/2. Cash could be a sweet quiet angel, instead of "Crash" that we all know. God will surely do this for me, I've been so faithful.
We go into the back to find Presley just had bug bites. One positive. Then all hell broke loose. Not sure anything standing still at Southlake Pediatrics. Nothing I did helped. With a naked baby on my hip and chasing another off the blinds, the roller stool, the cabinets, the nurses. An hour and a half later the lid blew off. I couldn't do this anymore. Life as a Mom was too hard, I surely was failing.
In the middle of the appointment the doctor stopped, looked at Cash and said are we still having energy problems, over energy. I don't think I needed to answer. Our vibrant and social baby boy decided it really should be his day after all. Who could ignore him. Mortified, ashamed and beyond broken I was that day on June 26th.
I no longer got to the car. I decided I had to call my husband. I had to finally set the line on how long I couldn't be here alone anymore. Although I have numerous sitters, neighbors who drop everything for us, it wasn't my family. My family was the answer, they could help me survive the 2's for sure. I did it the thing us married couples hate. Threatened, bullied and blamed. I was far from Eve in the Garden of Eden. I had fallen from Grace.
If I threw it on him it wasn't my fault that this child was beyond untameable. Or my life was. It wasn't until the next day, the next bad report at school at pickup did I finally get it. Who was I really upset about? Was it that I was really that concerned about Cash or was it what everyone thought of me? Was I scared of imperfection, uniqueness of the daunting character building God had given me. Was I afraid to fail at this too?
Since that day I've realized that maybe Cash is normal. That at 2 he is a boy and has some energy. That God forbid he likes people, he likes to be a little wide open and that he doesn't sit like a perfect angel no sir, yes mam. Cash I've learned, through Gods goodness, is extremely bright. Unfortunately I may have doubted that---he is beyond. He gets bored, he likes challenges and maybe he is a little fiery like his Mama. Maybe with a little boundaries, I can still allow Cash be Cash and that's perfectly ok.
I read this article on Huffington Post not too long ago, really sums up society's expectations of our tots. Then we wonder when did it go from learning to color in Kindergarten to reading a book....when did we start growing our kids up too fast. Putting too much pressure. Taking away their childhoods. Maybe we should all allow our kids to grow at their own pace. Without labels and milestones and realize each breath they take is a beautiful milestone all on its own.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/christine-grossloh/the-milestones-that-matter-most_b_3195567.html
Saturday, June 1, 2013
Quote of the Day
A man gets an immense amount of satisfaction from the knowledge of having done good work and of having made the best use of his day, and when I am in this state I find that I thoroughly enjoy my rest and even the mildest forms of recreation.”
–Diary of Eugene Delacroix
–Diary of Eugene Delacroix
We Won!!!!!
We Won! What a great Mommy's Day Surprise it was! Look for our family photo shoot coming soon:)
On Sun, May 12, 2013 10:27 PM EDT Barbara Bubalo wrote:
> CONGRATULATIONS!!!! You won the Mother's Day give away!! A free photo
> session with you and your family or you and kids however you would like.
> It's valid the whole month of June so let me know a good date for you
> guys. I will be out a town a couple weekends but I could do a week day as
> well or if you wanted it before June we could do that too. I know I have
> you down for the fundraiser too, you wanted to still do that right? The
> fundraiser shoot is mini and you won a full shoot up to 2 hours of
> shooting. Let me know!! Thanks so much I was so moved by your story!!
> Happy Mother's Day!! Barbara Bubalo
>
On Sun, May 12, 2013 10:27 PM EDT Barbara Bubalo wrote:
> CONGRATULATIONS!!!! You won the Mother's Day give away!! A free photo
> session with you and your family or you and kids however you would like.
> It's valid the whole month of June so let me know a good date for you
> guys. I will be out a town a couple weekends but I could do a week day as
> well or if you wanted it before June we could do that too. I know I have
> you down for the fundraiser too, you wanted to still do that right? The
> fundraiser shoot is mini and you won a full shoot up to 2 hours of
> shooting. Let me know!! Thanks so much I was so moved by your story!!
> Happy Mother's Day!! Barbara Bubalo
>
Happiness Project
About a year ago I heard of a book that I thought and still think was brilliant. It was by Gretchen Rubin called The Happiness Project. What a concept...a project to find more happiness. I suppose it could either boost someones happiness or create even more by finding what we love and thriving on it.
Have you ever sat by yourself and pondered on what it is that you really love? What makes you so content in that moment that nothing could steal your joy? If you could really pinpoint that wouldn't we all try to do that each and every day. Some people say, things can't make you happy....I disagree. Money no- creativity yes.
So I sat down not too long ago when life just felt like so much was missing. Yes I had plenty of "stuff" to fill me up, but I wasn't "doing" what I loved. I am such a creative soul, a spiritual gift that I know God has blessed me with Why is it that we all try to be someone we aren't, when we have so much within that goes untouched.
I found I love to decorate. I'm a firm believer if you have to hire someone to decorate your home you have no clue who you are. I want someone to walk in my house and tell the type of person I am within minutes of looking around. Not because of how much money and how perfect everything looks, but by the colors that speak volumes and pictures that tell our story.
I love to write. This is an area I know that I've under utilized. God has called to me many times and yells for me to reach so many with this gift. I'm in the process of praying about what it is he wants me to do. I only hope that he will lead me to his ultimate purpose.
I also love to do things that allow me to think and create outdoors. I am a very introverted person underneath. I like to absorb myself in thoughts while creating a visual project. I used to fear doing any gardening. My Mother is an amazing person in her lawn, and I had no clue where to begin. I could kill a plant by looking at it. I hired and overpaid way too many lawn boys over the years, I thought heck with that how hard could it be. Let me tell you I have the bug now and man is it saving me in labor and therapy. Nothing allows me to reflect and create like gardening. I'm addicted.
Here is just a few things that I'm working on in my happiness project. We all need outlets, we need things we feel confident in. I urge you to sit down and tap into yours. It's healthy, it's spiritual and it's God given. Check out the book when you get a chance as well it's a must read. www.happiness-project.com
Have you ever sat by yourself and pondered on what it is that you really love? What makes you so content in that moment that nothing could steal your joy? If you could really pinpoint that wouldn't we all try to do that each and every day. Some people say, things can't make you happy....I disagree. Money no- creativity yes.
So I sat down not too long ago when life just felt like so much was missing. Yes I had plenty of "stuff" to fill me up, but I wasn't "doing" what I loved. I am such a creative soul, a spiritual gift that I know God has blessed me with Why is it that we all try to be someone we aren't, when we have so much within that goes untouched.
I found I love to decorate. I'm a firm believer if you have to hire someone to decorate your home you have no clue who you are. I want someone to walk in my house and tell the type of person I am within minutes of looking around. Not because of how much money and how perfect everything looks, but by the colors that speak volumes and pictures that tell our story.
I love to write. This is an area I know that I've under utilized. God has called to me many times and yells for me to reach so many with this gift. I'm in the process of praying about what it is he wants me to do. I only hope that he will lead me to his ultimate purpose.
I also love to do things that allow me to think and create outdoors. I am a very introverted person underneath. I like to absorb myself in thoughts while creating a visual project. I used to fear doing any gardening. My Mother is an amazing person in her lawn, and I had no clue where to begin. I could kill a plant by looking at it. I hired and overpaid way too many lawn boys over the years, I thought heck with that how hard could it be. Let me tell you I have the bug now and man is it saving me in labor and therapy. Nothing allows me to reflect and create like gardening. I'm addicted.
Here is just a few things that I'm working on in my happiness project. We all need outlets, we need things we feel confident in. I urge you to sit down and tap into yours. It's healthy, it's spiritual and it's God given. Check out the book when you get a chance as well it's a must read. www.happiness-project.com
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