Wednesday, February 5, 2014

The Window.....

There he was his little tear soaked face pressed against the hard glass.  Fists hitting as hard as they could as the door closed and I just stood there and knew I had to walk away.  My son has been having massive separation anxiety since the snow/ice storm of 2014 last week.  At least that is what I tell myself to make sense.  They told me to leave or he would never get back to normal, but the pain I felt with that simple separation was far from making sense.

Since then I got home and I put my other little one to her bed.  I came downstairs and I sat in our recliner.  We have glass french doors to our back yard that has always brought me somewhat of peace since moving here.  That window could tell a lot of stories.  But today as I looked out it, I wondered how many other thousand Moms, Husbands, teenagers, Grandparents were doing the same thing I was in that moment.  Looking out a window, tears coming down, searching for answers and a way to understand our fear. 

I remember as a young child a few vivid memories about fear.  Leaving my Mom for the first day to meet the big kids at the bus stop.  I was the youngest and though I had my cousins in tow, I still remember how scared I was to go out into the big bad world.  Who were all these strangers, would they like me, would I fit in?  The next was college.  The day my parents and sister drove away leaving me in another state 4 hours away alone.  The last was pulling into Birmingham AL, thinking OK what now.  No job to make friends, a corporate apartment with white walls and a car to try and find my way around.

Each one of these and many more I did what we all do, unless you were smart enough to have gotten it before now.  I put on that cape, that happy face and I trudged through.  I smiled, put my head up just like they taught me.  I was brave, I made friends, I succeeded---I SURVIVED.

Today at 34 I sit in a recliner and I think do we ever really grow out of that.  In fact, if we all told the truth and showed up to the intervention all of us are scared out of our minds if they still remain in tact post 30.  It's a hard world.  Constantly trying to put on our masks to hide the inevitable fear we all have. The great news is on the other side of that window, lies this.  Truth, Grace, Understanding, Compassion. He is staring into you, into that preschool room, into your work, into your home right now.  He knows how it feels to be rejected, to be scared, to be relevant, to feel secure.  That's why he always provides when you are needing it the most.

So today though my child was scared, I received a picture post 2 hours later and he was smiling. 

Although a mask it could have been, I like to think God provided today.  That someone gave him comfort, something to smile about.  Today I hope you feel that way too.  I hope God always provides when you need it most.  Through truth tellers, who give you Grace through their words and embrace.

Thank You, Lord, for the promise that You will
meet our needs. Help us not to fear or doubt.
We’re grateful that You’re watching over us
and that our cries for help reach Your ear.
Our needs will never exhaust God’s supply.

(Thank you to my beautiful friend Susie for allowing me to share a beautiful pic and depicts the soul she bestows! Love you sister, friend)

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